Lost
by all.out.carby
Summary: Short angsty thing. Maybe fuzzy, in some aspects. Sorry, m'little FuzzMonkeys. Carter/Abby. Slight spoilers for Kisangani, the finale.


Title: Lost 1/1  
  
Author: Manda / all.out.carby  
  
Spoilers: Yes, end of Kisangani. Without the finale? Get out, you don't wanna know what happens.  
  
Oh, my goodness. 'Tis a sight for sore eyes, these wonderful pages of FF.net. Allow me to get glowy for a second.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. My birthday's in December.  
  
Summary: they were alone, and they weren't sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. they were both so lost.  
  
****  
  
She turned on her side, feeling sore. She'd slept on her side wrong. She'd done everything wrong.   
  
Her hands were worn when she pulled them from under the covers. She laid them down in front of her weary eyes, on the pillow. She let them lie there, waiting for a trace of life among them. She'd lost everything in these last few days.  
  
Her eyes grew tired at the sight of her hands, at the sight of herself, lying in front of her. Energy was low and motivation to take them away was transparent. Forcing herself to watch herself, letting herself try herself until she couldn't do more. A single tear fell without her permission and she cursed it. Wiped it away sleepily but furiously and gazed from her pillow, out to the window.  
  
Where was he?  
  
So far across the world, so far away from her. Where real people needed real help. Not a lonely girl-woman who couldn't bear alone, and couldn't bear to be with him.  
  
Blankly, she pushed her nose into the scent of her own pillow. She didn't deserve to bring her head to his instead. But she turned over again and watched it anyway. In the back of her mind, she knew it would never happen, but she wished he would appear.  
  
Her hand fell on his side, the side that he occupied when he was here. When they were arguing, when they were in love. Her body moved to the center slowly, where they held each other. When they were in love, when they were arguing.  
  
Her body sank into a silent sob, making sure she was still alive without him. She let her bottom lip live out, the quivering giving up, and she just cried. Cried like someone who screwed everything up, and didn't know how to put the pieces back together.  
  
She missed him. So much.  
  
And it wasn't just girl missing boy. She awaited his return because she wanted to tell him. Tell him everything that she wouldn't before. She knew, somewhere inside, that she wouldn't be able to tell him, but she wanted to. More than ever. Just because she knew in every depth that he deserved it.  
  
That he deserved everything.  
  
He deserved so much more.  
  
And she deserved nothing. Not him.  
  
She lifted herself and inched toward his side without her warning. She ignored every voice and fell against his pillow. Her slow sobs subsided, making way for herself to hug him again. Hug the earth of their sheets that they shared together. And she pictured him there again. He'd kiss her before he went to sleep, or say something of a good night. He cared and he loved, no matter where they were together.  
  
But now she was alone. She was without him and she longed to be with him.   
  
She wondered if any time had passed. She looked out the window, her head turning upward for a moment. To her suspense, a moon shone in the same place it had since she could remember. It told her to lie down.  
  
So she did. And she finally let herself sleep.  
  
****  
  
He crept inside, a bag on his shoulder and pulling him down. He rubbed it, exhausted and mysteriously unable to be soothed by rain. He ignored the sympathetic feeling they called out, everything they fell for and kicked at his own shoes as he walked to the bedroom.  
  
The moonlit fell throughout the room, as if to tell him that she was in safe hands. Safe hands while he was away from her for so long.  
  
His feet whispered smaller steps as he got closer to her, standing over her like she was the most beautiful thing. She was, he thought, as he traced her cheek with a finger he'd unfolded. He sighed at the sight of her. She was curled up away from herself, away from the world, and he had no idea. No idea.  
  
He came closer to her face, kissing her on the top of her head, crying inside. She wouldn't know of tonight.   
  
Would she? Ever?  
  
He watched her breathe, barely moving, for a few more seconds before nestling near the bottom of the bed. Her legs circling his backside, warm against him. He put his head in his hands and hit himself with another sigh, thinking something: that alternative form of a prayer he'd recited too many times.  
  
He'd been away from her.  
  
He looked over to her. Did she know what he felt?  
  
She had her face falling into his pillow, fitting perfectly.  
  
She knew. Somewhere, she knew.  
  
****  
  
When the sunlight accompanied her instead of the dark, it stung against her eyelids. Prying them open, reluctantly by herself, until she had to roll over on her side to avoid the rays.  
  
Her hand hit something as she whirled around. Her eyes darted open, examining the dark figure in the sheets.   
  
Carter.  
  
A millions feelings purred at once, all inside of her. Never had she been so upset-surprised to see him.  
  
He lay on her side of the bed, breathing softly and facing the window she'd once let her eyes wander out of.   
  
She thought to wake him. Ask him about it. Be smart about it. Perhaps be her usual rude, sarcastic self about it.  
  
But she looked around the room. To make sure nothing saw her. Untangled herself from the sheets slightly, and bent her neck over his face.  
  
Stared longingly at him, stopped her own breathing so he wouldn't move or wake or do anything but stay asleep. She traced his cheek with a finger, bit her lip. Kissed the top of his head.  
  
Sighed at this person, this work of art, and fell down to the bed. Rested her cheek against his back, warmly satisfied. Briefly, maybe.   
  
He was perfect now.   
  
This. Oh, so beautiful. 


End file.
